Celibate: a person who abstains from sexual relations.
Sexual purity: applies to both our actions and our attitudes. It is the active choice to refrain from sexual activity outside the bonds of marriage. It is the decision to guard your heart and mind by not allowing impure thoughts or attitudes take over.
Over 10 years ago when I got out out of a long-term relationship I remember how unfulfilling it was to continuously go through the process of meeting and dating people. So I had to stop myself from going down the same track, same road that I always traveled on to meet women! The one thought I remember coming to mind was Albert Einstein’s definition of insanity: “doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results”. So, I knew that if i wanted different results with finding a future mate then I had to travel down a different road. My solution was to practice abstinence.
I started reading books about how important it is that I needed to understand who I am, the lessons learned about myself from my past relationships, and also removing sex from the picture of that initial dating phase. So, I started this journey of abstinence with no end date or goal in mind, I just knew that it needed to be done. So the first 6-7 months were solely focused on me, not meeting people, not dating, just me! During this period, I intentionally started going back to church regularly and even going to bible study during the week. I felt like I was learning more about myself and about God during this phase. So after month 7 I felt like I was good to start meeting people and to apply what I’ve learned.
This is where things got real interesting for me! When I would meet women, and when the opportunity arrived, and it usually did shortly after meeting them, I would tell them about my journey. Most women were shocked that I was practicing abstinence! They would ask if something was wrong with me, or why I chose to do it because men usually don’t do that, it’s unheard of! So this whole experience made me want to write a book just about this part of my life journey, (which might come later)!
While practicing abstinence, I watched porn, and watched movies and listened to music that contained sexually explicit images and lyrics. So I didn’t realize until over 10 years later that even though I abstained from having sexual relationships with women, I was operating in sexual sin with my own body, Gods temple! “Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.” 1 Corinthians 6:18 NLT. So I realize now that back then I thought that I put up a barrier, but never changed the rules of engagement, so the enemy loved where I was sitting. He never had to change his trap for me because I wasn’t fighting the right battle. The enemy knew that as long as my mind was never renewed, then I was still the same person! Sexual impurity remained in my life all of these years because I never understood the difference between abstinence and purity!
So now over 10 years later, I’m learning the “BIG” difference between practicing abstinence and leading in purity! See for me abstaining from sex was a means for me to cut out the mess in my life and find someone who I had an opportunity to connect with on a mental and spiritual level before sex was introduced in our relationship! Back then, purity wasn’t even on my mind, I don’t think that I even knew the meaning of purity back then! But by the grace of God, I now know and understand that purity is a mindset, a way of life, and ultimately the love and relationship that I have with God to be obedient and honor Him, meaning that I will honor Him by honoring my body and mind as His temple! This also means that I have to set up boundaries starting with myself with the content that I allow into my eye and ear gates, which enter my heart and soul! ““A tree is identified by its fruit. If a tree is good, its fruit will be good. If a tree is bad, its fruit will be bad. You brood of snakes! How could evil men like you speak what is good and right? For whatever is in your heart determines what you say.” Matthew 12:33-34 NLT.
So now that I truly understand the difference between abstinence and purity, I know that God wants me to abstain from sexual sin, but even more so, he wants me to operate and lead in purity! He wants a transformation and renewing of my mind, the way that I think, the way that I operate and a total denying of myself! One of the biggest misconceptions is that this only applies to people who are single, but actually God wants this for both singles and married children of God!
“Beloved, I urge you as aliens and strangers [in this world] to abstain from the sensual urges [those dishonorable desires] that wage war against the soul.” 1 PETER 2:11 AMP
“Teach me your ways, O Lord, that I may live according to your truth! Grant me purity of heart, so that I may honor you.” Psalms 86:11 NLT
“And do not be conformed to this world [any longer with its superficial values and customs], but be transformed and progressively changed [as you mature spiritually] by the renewing of your mind [focusing on godly values and ethical attitudes], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His plan and purpose for you].” ROMANS 12:2 AMP
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